Reactionary living

Reactionary living. I call this living the kind in which I have often found myself.
There is no purpose for the future like dreams or goals. Only this constant want to get out of what I am in now. mmmm. Where has that gotten me? well. what kind of future without this present dilemma do I really want? will I know it when I find it? Or am I more preoccupied with just any old relief will do as long as I am out of this present tense situation.  I am depressed about the present, but then..what am I doing to change it? Usually nothing. I call this reactionary living. I am simply wanting the present pain to  go away...but for what? to make room for something much worse. After all, am I just this being that is victim to one thing after another?? or is there something I could do differently so that I don't constantly react to life as it happens to me.

This is where I turned a corner and took a different route. I saw that if I wanted relief.. I had to get it for myself. Yes I prayed. Yes God is  very active in my life. of course. But more than this. I had to do something. I saw that eventually. I had to move, I had to make an action toward something postitive. I had to decide what I DID want out of my life for the future not just what I DIDN'T want.

So yea. now. proactive is where its at. not reactive. oh and along this road, you have to stop caring what everyone else thinks. And that is all the wisdom this tired brain could come up with tonight. Adieu till next time.