Reactionary living

Reactionary living. I call this living the kind in which I have often found myself.
There is no purpose for the future like dreams or goals. Only this constant want to get out of what I am in now. mmmm. Where has that gotten me? well. what kind of future without this present dilemma do I really want? will I know it when I find it? Or am I more preoccupied with just any old relief will do as long as I am out of this present tense situation.  I am depressed about the present, but then..what am I doing to change it? Usually nothing. I call this reactionary living. I am simply wanting the present pain to  go away...but for what? to make room for something much worse. After all, am I just this being that is victim to one thing after another?? or is there something I could do differently so that I don't constantly react to life as it happens to me.

This is where I turned a corner and took a different route. I saw that if I wanted relief.. I had to get it for myself. Yes I prayed. Yes God is  very active in my life. of course. But more than this. I had to do something. I saw that eventually. I had to move, I had to make an action toward something postitive. I had to decide what I DID want out of my life for the future not just what I DIDN'T want.

So yea. now. proactive is where its at. not reactive. oh and along this road, you have to stop caring what everyone else thinks. And that is all the wisdom this tired brain could come up with tonight. Adieu till next time.

Another look at the Nation

Our country.. there are reasons we love this country.
But look again.
There are problems too. I know you probably looked at those.
One president cannot solve all the problems we have.
He is a man.
Whether or not you love this man, you should.
Because God made him and allowed him into the top office of our country.
So you can cut him down,  criticize his wrong actions and rant and rave about him
Or you can pray for him that he will be the man God made him to be
That he will come into all the great things and wonderful destiny God planned for him when he was created in his mothers womb.
He is someone's son.
He is not an enemy. He is simply a man.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Do you want to be judged? do you act like a total loser some days?
If you said yes to the first question and no to the second, you are lying. :)
This nation is our problem and its also our very own country.
Act like you own it and be part of the solution.
Seek out what small part is yours.
We are not victims because our nation is in a pickle.
There is hope folks. The hope is in us!!! stir it up and lets pick ourselves up by the boostraps and move into a greater future which we get to help create!!!

Different than you think

The Father God is not like man.
His love burns stronger and stronger for us
He does not put us away for a while
like a piece of artwork placed in the attic
to take us out once a year
and place His loving gaze on us-no-
He holds us continually under His watchful, loving, parenting eye...
allowing us to fail and make mistakes and do wonderful things too
and always picking us up and washing the scrapes on our knees
Always trusting that what he put in us and started in us
He is bringing to perfection
and so we can rest because THAT kind of love
unlike man's love
That love never fails.

He Picked Me Up - Rhema Band - Kenneth Hagin (2)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnKe1wQ7W4A
Kenneth Hagin gives an encouraging word to believers after this song is sung. Its worth listening to.
(that is if you need encouragement!!)

Its what you make it.

So I find myself today in my Mom's home town, far from my own beloved Alaska, in a marine climate, and warm temps approaching the Thanksgiving holiday. This plan was a sudden plan and so Mom is spending the week with my brother in North Dakota as she could not change her flight and plans so late. I am starting a seasonal job very different from the career I have had all my adult life, while waiting on pending job offers at home. WOW. no snow, no cold, no familiar friends tradition and no daughter near by who is enjoying her new son only 3 wks old.

I could find myself quite nostalgic and longing...because I have a sentimental nature which borders on really ridiculous! but there are people here this week in this "foreign land" who need a touch of God's love and who have something for me to grow and learn from. There are shoppers here who need hope, light, and a friendly smile at a time of year when stress is high and money is tight.

It is a time for me to be quiet and reflect without demands of usual life and search out more of the God I love so much..Its a time to take stock, journal, blog, read, brush up on my business webinars and apply for more jobs. Its time to be quiet and make Christmas gifts for my 5 grandchildren and 6 young friends that I will call my neices and nephews.

So whether you are with friends or noone or enemies, you have a gift this week of life and what you  bring to the table beside turkey and friends is you. And did I mention that what God brings to the table is exceedingly abundantly all that you ask or think?
Its all what you make it! Happy Thanksgiving! 

Recently Bound

Freedom or not.
What does it mean to you to be free?
So here are some of my rambling thoughts this morn about this over used word.
Freedom.
It was bought in war for this country, freedom to worship, speak, love, live, work as I please. I did not buy this. It was purchased for me with the blood of men and the loss of lives.

But at some point in my life, some things inside of me put me back into slavery...bound to others'opinons, bound to others' expectations, bound by my lack of  confidence and dissappointment in what I saw in me, bound by my refusal to look at the good and continual obsession with the bad.

I am sure there is more but this is all that is coming to my mind. So to come into this new place of freedom personally, there was also a war to fight. It did not get handed to me. It is not a "free" gift! (this place of being free). I fought to be me, I paid dearly in more ways than I care to inumerate. And I must add I have no regrets in this for I found a treasure in the fight. (Me)

And thus this concept...what is freedom to you and what do you have to do to have it complete in your life? I would guess this is an ongoing process. I would guess the answers are not always the same.

Recently I found myself with a different freedom than I have ever had and a different kind than I had ever imagined. Suddenly, I found myself with no ties...free from all ties that would keep me in one place. Absolutely free to choose with no constraints. I am not sure I fought for this particular situation..it just landed in my lap. No relational ties, no job, no car, no permanent housing;  Now this free state before me......what to do...what is inside of me?...what is the priority of my life? what is the immediate priority? how can I go for both of those? how can I see my material needs met while at the same time running after the dreams that previous ties have always constrained me from pursuing?
I don't know the answer to these questions but they are keeping me on my toes, excited, scared, and in awe of what I find within....Freedom.. more understanding to come in the near future. Stand by for updates until we meet again....

Giggling with God

Why do I giggle? Here is why..David must have had such moments while shepherding the sheep or hiding in caves with his buddies, or fighting battles or even recieving forgiveness after totally blowing it..

 Your strength, God, is the king’s strength.
    Helped, he’s hollering Hosannas.
You gave him exactly what he wanted;
    you didn’t hold back.
You filled his arms with gifts;
    you gave him a right royal welcome.
He wanted a good life; you gave it to him,
    and then made it a long life as a bonus.
You lifted him high and bright as a cumulus cloud,
    then dressed him in rainbow colors.
You pile blessings on him;
    you make him glad when you smile.
Is it any wonder the king loves God?
    that he’s sticking with the Best?
 Psalm 21

When I am helped I am shouting hosannas too! ha. He gives me exactly what I want..cannot tell you how many times that has happened. HE does not hold back. OH my gosh. Too much gushing goodness coming from Him. He does not play favorites either. When I open up and trust Him like a little one, oh gosh, HE comes through with such goodness. He lifts me high, piles on the blessings and His smile makes me glad... no more than that. They makes me giggle!

BAD NEWS

So this blog is not really about bad news but  I notice that more people read the negative titled blogs than the positive ones. :)
But it can be bad news, if you don't pay attention to what is making your heart happy. I mean every day, all day happy.
I am discovering this in a new way right now so don't count me an expert.
But when you feel cranky, disagreeable or irritable..ask yourself this question:
Was there a recent moment when I ignored my heart's leanings and instead bent to some pressure outside of me, either from other people or from within?
Mmm. Ignoring your heart and its desires. .... how often do you do this? and then you have to ask why?
What is driving you? are you driving you? or are a lot of outside pressures driving you?
I think answers to these questions will begin to show you where you priortize your life activities.
For an example, I have to say as a young woman, I felt driven by everyone's needs but mine. I felt it was selfish to focus on mine and saw how destructive selfishness was in others and decided against that option for me. But as a result, many of my own personal needs went unmet. There were apparently some missing facts in my thinking.
Bad news: is when you don't listen to what you need, when you ignore the power within you to take care of you. Life is tough enough some days without you not taking care of you... just a thought.

Angry at God

Short note.
I am running into a lot of people who are angry at God....Christians.
Its a temptation. But its pride. Pretty simple.
He is not the enemy in your life.
He is the Savior.
Just a thought.
Just let it go.
Let go of what you want
when you want it
and how you want it.
You are simply His creation.
He is God.
Honor Him, Fear Him. Worship Him.
He is worthy.

In Storms

One thing I have learned in my life is this:
In storms there is only one thing to do.
And it what David did in the Psalms...he prayed:

"Lord, my heart is not haughty,
Nor my eyes lofty.
Neither do I concern myself with great matters,
Nor with things too profound for me.

Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul,
Like a weaned child with his mother;
Like a weaned child is my soul within me.

O Israel, hope in the Lord
From this time forth and forever."

This is so powerful because when I am hurting and have no answers, the first thing I want to do is get angry. But to get angry at God is a sure way to block myself from receiving His help or hearing His voice. Its the last thing I really want to do: biting the hand that feeds you. 

The fact is we do find ourselves in lots of troubles in this life and some are really really bad. It is also a fact that we don't find instant relief many times. SO what am I to do???

Still my soul like a weaned child on its mothers lap.  Just be still. Look at Him. Look for Him. Wait on Him. Worship Him. Love Him. Just wait and be still. 

He won't fail to come and answer. He will send help. He is the help. He is the solution. Again you will see the promises He has made fulfilled in your life. He promised and He does not lie.

Election of a President

In past elections, I don't really remember so much animosity and anger between people over who they were going to vote for.  The candidates this time  also threw mud nonstop. Now we have a president and a bunch of people who have strong feelings against all those who don't agree with them. Not cool and kind of sad that we could not rise to a better standard than this in our behavior toward one another.
But the good news is that our hope, future and how our life unfolds is not dependent on government, Presidents or anyone else for that matter. Our life is a matter between us and God. It has to do with what we make of the lot handed to us. I am not entitled to anything handed out by a man or a system. I am on the other hand eligible for an inheritance which was  purchased by Jesus' death. All those promises in the Bible for those who believe on Him are yes and amen. Our Government does not make as big a difference as our Covenant. Whose your Papa? its not the President. So if you are overjoyed or disappointed in tonight's election results, you missed the point. We still have the same country, the same problems and the same God. Do you see some problems in our beloved America? then you are part of the solution. So remember the truth : Christ in You is the hope of Glory!

Just fix me already.

Relationships. Wow. They can be wonderful and complicated and joyful and miserable. What to do, what to do?
Just fix me already, I say to myself. This one thing I know. I can control me. I can't control you or him or her. That is their job. I can only do me. I have to be my best friend, by best counselor, my best cheerleader. (of course not excluding God at all)
But I have to love me. Accept me. And be kind to me! its so key to relationships. Who else will take care of your heart like you can? This is not to say keep everyone out of that arena of taking care of your heart because friends and those in covenant with you may often be doing this with you.

So back to the issue at hand.. Example: You have a  conflict, an unresolvable issue, an unlovely attitude or behavior in someone who is in relationship with you. (at work, at home, in friendship)It is hurting you, in small ways or huge...
In this kind of situation, in my former life, I liked to analyze, scrutinize come up with a solution for that person (who I think is my problem) and then fix them. Yea. that did not work out for me. ha.
So then I started to see ..that was an impossible assignment. If you don't believe me, try it.
Then a famous line came into my consciousness (thank you Danny Silk) and it was this:
"What are you going to do?" this is a question you ask you. You have control over you. You get to choose what YOU will do. only. Its so comforting and freeing and so fun to know this. I can only do me. I cannot do you. YAY!!!!

So me and God, we are working on that department. What I cannot do in me, He can. But I can control me, my choices, my actions...I get to choose. I don't have to fear. Relationships often ebb and flow like the sea.. we are human..some go out to sea  and never come back...but Not to FEAR!! no fear here. Just control me. Its more important to be true to you and who you are created to be than anything. If you have a covenant with a person and this little blip comes onto your horizon, then God is also working on all those factors you have no ability to control.  I will be happy now, I will focus on me. "Barb, what are you going to do?" I ask myself. Just fix me already..is my prayer to Him.. and He is doing just that one relationship baby step at a time...After all He has all eternity. :)

Are you at the end of something?

Are you at the end of you?
And all the things you usually do?
Do you find its all washing out
And filling your life with pain and doubt?

Are you at the end of all the stuff?
Of things that are hard and very rough?
Are you asking why and when and how
And hearing nothing then or now?

Is the pain you feel too much to bear?
Does life suddenly seem unfair?
Have all the friends gone away
And left you with your desperate day?

Are you finding you can't stay?
On the path of endless delay?
Do you not see the hope?
And feel you can no longer cope?

If yes to any or all of these
Then what do you need  for it to cease?
Its going to be ok, I know.
Because you see I have been this low.

When all my world seemed dark as black
and it was like I was off the track
That failure and fate had cast the lot
 And the enemies won that I had fought

I have seen my strength so spent
And the next step seemed in hard cement.
I have been to the end of me
And did not know what would set me free.

But then the pain of labor ceased
Relief it came with new life released
The cry of newness heralded a change
Something else had been arranged.

So what I thought was the final end
Was the birthing of  a God send.
Something came in the stead of pain
Life was richer for the gain

Could not see how it would be
Some midwife  came and carried me
Who would think the sun could rise
In such a dark night to my eyes?

If you are here in such a place
Look up to see that loving Face
Who will carry you until the end
Which is the beginning not merely a mend.

Hang on oh suffering lonely one 
Tossed in tempest sore and done
For you will come out knowing you could,
This too shall come to good. 

New Season .. ?

A new season? really God? what if I don't think I am ready? Yes, I know He laughs at me with all my commentary about the life I lead. Seriously, I did not expect so many changes to come at once but yes here I am with lots of options. More options than I had counted on. People keep asking me "what do you want to do??" or others are saying things like "you should leave Alaska, its no good up there" ..or "you should do such and such because you would be happier doing that" ..so lots of questions and suggestions coming my way but I have no answeres...
So me and God are hanging out this week, at a church I love, that has a prayer room there, and beautiful grounds and weather to go with it! my hope is that I will hear Him and His leading by the end of the week...I know this one thing: whatever unknown lies ahead, He is in it and so it will be of course: just fine!!

You Make Me Come Alive

Love this song.. ck it out..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z482u6Crf84

Alaska Ramblings

 Alaska...I don't know what it is that has captured my heart in this place. But yes, I cannot bring myself to move to warmth, or more family, or better wages, or a more comfortable life.
      Severe winters with -50 degrees and dark all day all the way to 90 degree summer days with  all night daylight...it is a place of contrast. It can be the loneliest place in the world and it can be the place where you know so many people you can't remember all their names!  But this state, this city it is part me. My name is written in the land. It is my land.

God is here in this land. He beckons and tries and calls in this place. People come here and end up seeking Him and often desperate for Him. In this place, you find you need Him. You need Him just to do life.

From keeping winter gear in your car at all times, to plugging in your car engine below zero temps, to having to rush right home from the store before your produce freezes in the car.
~ Avoiding frostbite while you are outdoors;
~stopping at all unattended accidents because people can die of hypothermia without even  being injured;
~ dealing with the lack of daylight in winter and how it affects your moods and the moods around you ~Driving in ice, snow, at such a wide variance of temps, and coping with town newcomers who don't know how to drive here
~ Getting your winter tires on in October and keeping antifreeze in your gas tank when it drops below zero

Yea, I do life here and I like the challenge but here is also a land of broken hearted rejects of society. Mixed in are the Alaskan Native People.  Someone has to bring joy and hope to this land and I think I am one of those someones. I know I am. I have prayed over this land for 34 years, pondered the prophecies about Alaska, and listened to those who have gone before.

There is a grand plan for this place in God's scheme of things, and I for one want to be a player! Oh Alaska... you have captured me, I have struggled and yielded many times..but mostly it always comes back to one thing. I love this land and its people and I always will.